let's say all the things we couldn't before
by UndertheSilkTree
Summary: Jenkins has something he needs to discuss with Ezekiel. (Jenkins x Ezekiel, established relationship)


**A/N:** Thank you to my beta meridianrose who is always such a joy to work with and so supportive. This was written for the Librarians shipathon 2018, Rare pair week. Also for hc_bingo prompt: trust issues. The title is from the song Let's Hurt Tonight by OneRepublic. This is an established Ezekiel x Jenkins relationship story that takes place about 25 years after the end of the series.

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**~The Librarians~**

_Twenty five years after the series finale- _

Jenkins glanced up at the grandfather clock that was tucked into the corner of his lab and saw only five minutes had passed since the last time he had looked. Scolding himself for his lack of concentration, Jenkins returned his gaze to his current project. In front of him were two maps both supposedly showing how to get to the Norse realm of Alfheim, the problem was one was real and the other one was fake. Jenkins was currently running both magical and mundane tests in order to determine which was which. Both maps had been discovered over a century ago by Darrington Dare and put aside until he had more time to study them but time has a way of getting away from both mortal and immortal beings, as Jenkins was himself well aware. He did manage to resist looking at the clock for another twenty minutes. When he when he finally gave in, Jenkins couldn't help but note the librarians were now two hours late.

He was not worried.

Jenkins was just…marginally concerned that neither librarian had returned. It wasn't unusual for missions to run hours if not days longer then they were expected to but at the same time he couldn't help counting the minutes. This case was different for him. Ezekiel had almost been killed just a couple of days ago when he had been on the hunt for a magic mirror that had been hidden in a cave in the Eyjafjallajökull Mountains of Iceland. Although his partner had escaped any serious injury, a very bruised and battered Ezekiel could barely get out of bed this morning. Jenkins had urged him to allow one of the other librarians to go in his place when the clippings book showed them a new case in New York City but the obstinate man would not listen to him. Jenkins had been so close to losing him forever, that he couldn't help feel anxious as the minutes passed.

Not even the promise of finally being able to meet the fabled Elves of Alfheim could keep Jenkins' attention so with a growl of frustration, he ripped off his smock and threw it in the direction of the coat rack, not caring when it missed and lay crumpled on the floor.

Striding through the annex, Jenkins was just reaching for the controls of the back door, when they became illuminated. Moving back a few steps so he wouldn't be in the way, Jenkins felt relief flow through him. The feeling was quickly extinguished when he saw Ezekiel was leaning heavily on his fellow librarian Evangeline. The petite English woman was bearing up under the weight admirably as she maneuvered the injured Australian through the door. They were both filthy, covered in dirt and spider webs, and looking like they had been pulled through a hedge backwards.

Evangeline and two others, Naveed, and Aviva, had been recruited by the Library almost three years ago. They had showed up out of the blue, one breezy November day, invitations clutched in their hands, and it was then that the current Librarians realized that a new generation had been sent to be trained. The newbies' arrival had taken everyone by surprise but they had all adjusted to the change pretty quickly. Well most of them had adjusted. Jenkins had to admit himself that Ezekiel had had the roughest time of the three. Both Cassandra and Jake had basically retired over a year ago. Now Cassandra spent the majority of her time with her wife Estrella popping in occasionally to visit or when dire circumstances called for her special skills. Jake had moved to Collins Falls last year and now lived with Mabel; he commuted to the local university and was a professor. He was also available if needed. Of the original Lits Ezekiel was the only hold out.

Jenkins rushed over asking, "What happened?"

Ezekiel with a pained scowl on his face said, "I wrenched my blasted knee again. That's what happened."

Jenkins worry ratcheted up a notch as he reached for the younger man and tried as gently as possible to take Evangeline's place, but even with all of that caution he heard a gasp from Ezekiel as his leg was accidently nudged.

Evangeline had a wide smile on her face. Her black hair was in a disarrayed halo around her head, as she stood in front of them hands held out in front of her as she gesticulated wildly relaying the events of the mission. "You should've seen it Jenkins. It was brilliant. Ezekiel was balancing on a ledge that was maybe only an inch wide ten stories above Time's Square…"

"Thank you Evangeline," Ezekiel interrupted quickly, as he glanced up at Jenkins apparently sensing the deepening displeasure that was running through him.

Jenkins scowled down at his partner. Ezekiel had promised, and not for the first time, that he would allow Evangeline to take point on this one. Ezekiel looked away, his color heightened as a guilty look crossed his face.

Evangeline, unaffected by the interruption, simply shrugged her shoulders before asking, "Do you need anything? I have to go clean up. I am supposed to meet up with Naveed and Aviva. I promised I would go grab a couple of drinks with them when I got back."

"No thank you, my dear. This is an old injury and so we know how to handle it," Jenkins said lightening his tone; he wasn't mad at her, it wasn't Evangeline's fault Ezekiel was so stubborn.

With a quick wave she practically ran out of the annex heading towards her room.

Jenkins and Ezekiel stood side by side in tense silence for a few long minutes. Jenkins wanted to ask Ezekiel what he had been thinking, but he was afraid the words would come out biting and sarcastic. He didn't want to start an argument and make Ezekiel defensive, because there was something they needed to talk about tonight. So instead he placed a tender kiss at on the younger man's temple trying to convey how much he loved him and how relieved he was that Ezekiel had come back to him alive. He must have been successful because he felt his love relax against him and Jenkins led Ezekiel towards their suite of rooms.

**~The Librarians~**

As Jenkins opened the door to their bedroom, Ezekiel sneaked a look at him and knew from the clenched jaw and the worry lines in his forehead that he had disappointed and angered the man who had been his partner for over ten years. They slowly made their way over to the bathroom where Jenkins gently lowered Ezekiel onto the closed toilet lid.

Jenkins started the shower and retrieved towels and clothes from the linen closet, and Ezekiel finally couldn't take the strained silence anymore and said, "Jenkins, I…"

The older man just shook his head and Ezekiel felt the apology die on his lips. Jenkins then knelt down and untied his shoes before taking them off placing them out of the way. He finally made eye contact and asked, "Can you manage the rest?" When Ezekiel nodded and opened his mouth to try again to ask forgiveness, Jenkins looked away and continued, "Why don't you get cleaned up and we will talk after?" He left, closing the door softly behind him.

"Damn it," Ezekiel whispered under his breath, as he felt remorse settle in his stomach like a rock.

Using the sink to pull himself up, Ezekiel undressed as quickly as he could. It was difficult but he finally managed to maneuver himself into the shower. His knee throbbed in time with his heartbeat, the pain almost making Ezekiel call Jenkins back in, but he stopped himself. He deserved the pain he was going through and he definitely didn't deserve any help mitigating it. Washing up the best he could, Ezekiel was soon done and dressed in the sleep pants that Jenkins had laid out for him. As he was leaving the bathroom he caught his reflection in the mirror. His hair had more gray in it then black nowadays and his torso was littered with bruises of varying colors of yellow to purple. He definitely didn't have the abs he had in his twenties although thankfully he didn't have that much of a gut either. Shaking his head at his vanity, Ezekiel opened the door and gingerly made his way out. The bruises were thanks to his brush with death a couple of days ago, and he still wasn't sure how he had survived the cave in.

Jenkins was sitting on a chair next to the bed. Ezekiel hopped carefully over and sat on the bed next to him, leaning against the headboard. Jenkins reached down and brought his injured leg up placing it across his lap and pushing his pant leg up to reveal a knee joint that was already swollen. Ezekiel had first hurt his knee over ten years ago on a mission when he had fallen through a trap door in an Atlantian temple. It had actually been one of the things that had brought the two of them together. Jenkins had taken care of him for the entire time it took for his knee to feel better. For example in order to make sure Ezekiel was eating Jenkins would bring him meals and then they would eat them together. Dinner would lead to watching a movie and when the movie was over they would end up talking well into the night. This went on for weeks until one night when Jenkins was wishing him a good night; Ezekiel had hesitatingly leaned over and placed the lightest of kisses on the older man's mouth. The kiss felt right, like coming home, and even better in Ezekiel's opinion was the fact the kiss was returned tenderly by the man whom he had fallen in love with.

Feeling a hand on his knee brought Ezekiel from the pleasant memories of the past to the uncomfortable present, although the coolness of Jenkins' hand felt like heaven against the heat of his swollen knee. He wondered, not for the first time, how many times he could wrench his knee before it became a permanent disability. It seemed more and more that his body was betraying him. There was the beginning of arthritis in his hands, he got tired quicker, it took longer for him to recover from any sort of injury, and there was of course his knee, which took any opportunity to go out on him.

Although now it wasn't just the pain in his knee it was also the tension in the air between the two of them. Ezekiel was hesitant to try to apologize again since Jenkins had already stopped him twice so he chose to stay silent.

Jenkins handed Ezekiel a couple of Tylenol and a glass of water, which he downed gratefully as his knee was really starting to throb almost continuously.

"Thank you," Ezekiel whispered, not sure what else to say.

Jenkins gently started to wrap Ezekiel's knee with an ace bandage, in order to keep his knee still so it could heal. Once that was finished the older man finally spoke, and there was a weariness to his voice. "You promised me. After the last mission, where you were almost killed in case you forgot, that you would allow Evangeline to take point on all missions going forward."

Jenkins' voice was low but Ezekiel could hear the hurt running through it. "You're right," Ezekiel said in a conciliatory tone. "But the artifact that we needed to lift the curse was suspended in midair ten stories above the ground. I couldn't send her out there."

"You have been mentoring Evangeline for over three years and she has proven herself more than ready. You need to trust her," Jenkins said his frustration evident in every word.

It was old argument between them. Ezekiel said, "I do trust her but…" His words petered out, he was suddenly so weary. As the day started to catch up with him, Ezekiel found he didn't want to fight anymore. "I'm sorry and you are right she is ready. I just worry about her; she is so young."

Jenkins placed the ice pack on Ezekiel's knee and gave a long sigh and said, "Apology accepted." Placing a hand against the younger man's cheek, Jenkins said in a fond voice, "I remember a twenty something thief who swept into the Library so sure of himself and his skills, and he proved himself worthy of the title of Librarian. Against all of my doubts and misgivings you showed your mettle. Please trust me when I say it's time for you to do the same with Evangeline."

Ezekiel nodded his head knowing his love was right, and when Jenkins leaned in and gave him a kiss he returned it eagerly. The kiss only ended when Ezekiel winced in pain as he tried to get closer.

"None of that," Jenkins said with a warm smile. "You need your rest." He got up and, taking the first aid kit with him, started to get ready for bed.

Ezekiel shifted a bit until he was as comfortable as he was going to get until the medicine kicked in. He was in a light doze when Jenkins left the bathroom. Whereas Ezekiel always slept in just sleep pants, Jenkins always wore matching silk pajamas. It was one of the quirks that always made Ezekiel smile. Jenkins for all of his primness was a bit of a hedonist when it came to his creature comforts. Although, Ezekiel had to admit, he also really loved the feel of Jenkins in his silk pajamas.

He watched as Jenkins laid out his suit for the next day, finding comfort in it. Ezekiel had been watching Jenkins do the same routine before bed for ten years; he couldn't help but wonder if it had been a habit from his Arthurian days or if he had picked it up since becoming a caretaker for the Library. He thought about asking but then he saw Jenkins open his mouth as though to speak and then close it. He did this twice more before Ezekiel finally asked, "What is it?"

With a deep sigh, Jenkins turned towards him, and sitting next to him on the bed, being careful to avoid his knee, took Ezekiel's hand in his own and said, "I think it's time for that sabbatical we talked about."

Ezekiel felt his stomach drop at Jenkins words, he tried to keep the panic off his face but he probably wasn't successful if the tightening of the grip on his hand was any indication. Jenkins continued his words falling over themselves in his rush, "I've already spoken to Eve and Flynn. They agree with me that the new Librarians are more than ready to take over; they even said the two of them would take over my duties as Caretaker for the time being. It would be more work but they believe that between the five of them they can manage and in case of emergency they can call Jake and Cassandra out of their semi-retirement if needed."

Running his free hand through his hair, Ezekiel tried to think through the dread that was rushing through him. Finally he spoke, his voice taking on a pleading quality, "A couple of week's vacation would probably be a good idea, and it will take my knee at least that long to heal." Ezekiel gave Jenkins one of his most charming smiles hoping against hope that a short vacation was all his partner was talking about.

"Ezekiel…" Jenkins said his tone one of exasperation, "When we talked about this before, we talked about at least a year."

Jenkins may call it a sabbatical but Ezekiel knew what it really was, it was the first step to being officially retired. Ezekiel wished he could get up and walk around. Instead he withdrew his hand from Jenkins' and crossed his arms and said defensively, "Was it a new patch of gray hair or a new wrinkle? Because it seems like you only bring this up when you notice a new sign of me aging." It was a low blow bringing up his mortality, that at times was an almost third presence in their relationship, but it was better than the alternative.

Jenkins abruptly stood, visibly agitated, pacing a bit before he turned at the end of the bed and said loudly, "No, maybe it was how it took you almost an hour to get out of bed this morning. You are killing yourself. All I am asking is for a year where you and I can be together and just focus on each other, to actually see the world, without the clippings book, without cursed objects, and without you getting hurt every other mission. Just us."

Jenkins ran a hand over his face before asking in a tight voice, "Why are you so against this? Do you not want to spend time with me? Am I not enough without the excitement and adventure of the Library?"

Ezekiel heard the hurt creep into Jenkins voice and he felt like such a jackass. "Come here." Ezekiel pleaded holding out his hand when his partner hesitated he added, "Please."

Finally, Jenkins sat back down next to him on the bed, placing his hand in Ezekiel's outstretched one. Ezekiel brought Jenkins' hand up to his lips and tenderly kissed the back, resting his cheek briefly on their joined hands. Smiling at the faint aroma of the gardenia lotion that Jenkins used before bed because his beloved books dried out his hands, Ezekiel knew it was time to be honest.

Lifting his head, Ezekiel made sure to catch Jenkins gaze and said, "When I first came here over twenty years ago, I was ready to leave at a moment's notice. It was a bit of a lark, an adventure, and maybe a way for me to earn some coin. I wasn't going to stay, not for long anyway because I had learned that people would not accept me, not the real me. But to my surprise I found a family here that did accept me. Who loved me."

Jenkins whole demeanor softened, "Ezekiel…" he started to say but Ezekiel shook his head, he knew he had to keep going otherwise he would chicken out.

Continuing on his voice a bit unsteady, Ezekiel said, "I have been avoiding stepping down not only because I love the job but also because retiring means accepting it will never again be the same. Cassandra, Jake, Eve, Flynn, and you, we are splintering. I feel like I am losing my family." Ezekiel broke eye contact with his partner looking upwards blinking furiously trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall, "Also I feel like I am losing who I am. Who am I if I am not a Librarian, if I am not a thief?"

Jenkins placed his hand on Ezekiel's chest over his heart, and the older man scooted closer before whispering, "Please look at me."

Humiliated at the tears on his cheeks, Ezekiel hesitated but finally brown eyes met blue. Jenkins said in a steady voice, "You are Ezekiel Jones; you will always be a Librarian, and a world class thief. The six of us will always be a family whether we are standing next to each other or separated across distances…and you are the man I love."

"I love you too," Ezekiel whispered, feeling that love unfurl almost painfully in his chest, before he surged forward and captured Jenkins lips with his own, they deepened it quickly, desperately, only breaking the kiss off when they needed to breathe. Resting his forehead against Jenkins as they tried to catch their breath, Ezekiel wanted to keep this moment in his memory forever.

When Jenkins started to pull away, Ezekiel tightened his grip, with an almost inaudible whimper, not wanting to lose contact for even a second. "It's okay," Jenkins murmured, "I am just going to turn off the light."

Ezekiel let him go furiously wiping at his eyes and cheeks, still embarrassed, desperately trying to stop the tears that seemed to want to fall. Scooting downwards carefully in order to keep the ice pack on his knee, Ezekiel winced a bit as he jostled it, but gave a sigh of relief when he was finally resting flat on his back.

Jenkins came over to the bed and sat down next to Ezekiel, with a wash rag in his hand. Ezekiel closed his eyes, as his love gently washed the tear stains off of his face. The warm wash cloth was drawn tenderly over his eyes and down his cheeks. Ezekiel had never felt more loved or cared for then he did in this moment. So he opened his eyes and, lightly resting a hand on Jenkins' wrist he stopped the older man's ministrations and asked, "How soon can we go?"

This time it was Jenkins who leaned forward and tenderly brushed his lips against Ezekiel's, before he whispered, "Thank you," against his mouth.

Jenkins placed the rag in the bathroom before returning and getting into bed next to him. Ezekiel opened his arms and said, "Come here."

Jenkins slid closer and laid his head on Ezekiel's chest, holding onto him tightly. Ezekiel started to trace his fingers idly up and down his love's back.

Hearing a sigh of contentment from his partner gave Ezekiel the courage to touch on a subject that even after all these years were a bit of a sensitive issue. "Can we…can we visit the places where you carried the name Galeas?"

"Yes, I will show you my many incarnations Galeas, Galath, Galahad, and where centuries later I became Jenkins," he said his voice was low and full of promise. "We will go where I once met the god Llŷr along the Welsh seaside. He was as surprised as I was when I came upon him on a beach that winter morn…"

Ezekiel could almost see the gallant Galeas startling an elder god on his own turf. As he continued to listen to the tale, Ezekiel couldn't help the excitement that was building up inside him and he realized this wasn't the end of the adventure for him it was only the beginning for the two of them. They would venture out and about and the family that they had built in this wonderful magical building would be there waiting for them. With Jenkins by his side Ezekiel was about to start an epic journey and only time would tell where it would end but no matter how or where, as long as his love was with him it would be okay.

As Jenkins' story wound down and the older man's breathing deepened into sleep, Ezekiel placed a kiss on the crown of his partner's head, and joined him in slumber.

**The End. **


End file.
